What is a blessingway?

After mentioning the blessingway ceremony we held for my dear friend April last weekend, I’ve received several inquiries from people asking, “What exactly is a blessingway?”

The simplest way to describe it is an alternative baby shower. The term Blessingway is derived from an ancient Navajo ceremony to celebrate a woman’s transition into motherhood. Although the sacred Navajo ceremony and the modern alternative have very little in common, the term blessingway is still the most widely used. I think this term should be changed in deference to the original traditions, but more on that later. (*see below)

Anyway, as this particular crowd was averse to playing games and eager to avoid the theme of consumption that surrounds conventional American baby showers, the blessingway was a simple alternative and a much less materialistic event. Unfortunately, I don't yet have any photos of the event, but perhaps I can post some later. (I borrowed the photo of April and Joe above from Kendell at Silveira Photography.)

The ceremony is intended to create a sacred and safe environment where a mother-to-be can explore the challenges and joys that lie before her as she approaches birthing and mothering. Surrounded by the most important women in her life, she is able to gain a sense of power, confidence, and support that will help her rise to motherhood.

I read a fantastic quote yesterday that really summed it all up for me:

“While society seems eager to chuck aside the mother in favor of holding a cherubic gurgling baby, a blessingway provides the mother with memories of a true show of support from her friends.”

There are rituals associated with the ceremony, including pampering of the mother-to-be (i.e.:  foot baths, hand massages), sharing birth stories, passing on blessings and good wishes, and feasting on potluck fare.

In addition, we each brought a special bead to add to a necklace that is meant to be a source of positive energy and strength for her in the time she needs it most (that is, if she remembers it’s there).

At the end of the ceremony, we used a ball of yarn to connect each woman’s wrist across and around the circle. The resulting web symbolized us as sisters united and represented the web of support that April has surrounding her at all times. Then we cut the yarn, leaving enough at the ends to tie around each person’s wrist. Now separate, the bracelet will be a constant reminder of April’s upcoming journey. Once the baby is born, the bracelets can be cut off.

Finally, our friend Erin created a food tree that will allow her to coordinate with family and friends after the baby is born to provide dinner (as well as assistance with any housework) for April and Joe for a few weeks after the birth.

All in all, it was a lovely day and a wonderful reminder that we don’t always have to do things the way they’ve always been done – something I try to remind my wedding clients of everyday.

*Out of respect for the great history and importance of the Blessingway to Navajo people, many doulas, midwives and mothers now use the term 'Mother Blessing' to denote the celebration. Personally, I think we could come up with something a little more catchy!

Comments

[Victoria]

Hey Meghan, great post about the blessing way, I had a lot of people asking me to explain it too! I will be posting some pictures April's blessing way soon.

[April]

Great description, Meg. I loved the quote about how society these days kind of discards the mom in favor of the baby. I've noticed that. Or maybe it is truer even that both the mom and baby are cast aside in favor of all the *stuff* there is available to buy...

For me, the Blessing Way had two very significant outcomes. 1) I feel totally ready for this baby to come now that my friends and family have been here in ceremony with me. It is hard to explain what changed, but it was definitely an emotional shift. 2) I feel the house has been blessed in a way that makes it very appropriate to not only birth here, but also to welcome our baby into the world here. The energy that day was powerful and I know I'll call on it both in birth and as a new parent. And that, I think, is the point of the BW.